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Ladys face with a pattern over it to make it appear she is under water

Drowning Not Swimming

For as long as I can remember I’ve always felt like a square peg in a round hole.

Always feeling like I was swimming upstream “the wrong way”.

Throughout my schooling, I always felt like I just didn’t get it.

Everyone else around me was traveling through their teens. Finding classrooms, passing exams, and applying themselves as if they all had been given the
“how-to” handbook.

The feeling of uncertainty has always stolen my confidence.

The “what if “I fail narrative is no friend. It lies to us.

It whispers our deepest fears in a tone that is so alluring it is impossible to ignore.

When I got rejected from a private school. It just amplified the false narrative that I continued to carry with me through into my 20’s 30’s and early 40’s. Failure is a real and paralysing fear for me, and I know many business owners feel the same. This year I am about to have my 50th birthday and roll over into my 11th year in business. I have finally realised that swimming upstream the other way and dancing to my own drum is exactly what has made me resonate with my clients. I spent at least the first 6 years not even acknowledging that I was a business owner. I would say I was a personal trainer, but I was never brave enough to say I was a business owner.
Not to mention the impostor syndrome I would constantly struggle with when asked what I did for work.

My script went like this…

  • I didn’t look like a personal trainer should.
  • I don’t follow the hectic training schedule a trainer should follow.
  • I don’t have the Instagram profile a trainer should have.
  • They are going to think I’m a fake.

The feeling of swimming upstream was never far away even in my adult life. I still didn’t feel like I fitted in. I knew I was different but hadn’t yet learned that my difference was my difference!!!! Unlike school life. My passion for helping people was deep-seated and I just kept persisting.

The little ticks of success kept my desire alive, the conversations and trust my clients shared…slowly, and I mean very slowly helped me build my confidence. A little fake it till ya make it was definitely a part of my early business strategies

My own fears have stopped me from growing but I learned to be kinder to myself these days.
I can now say free of fear or judgment that I am a fabulous business owner.

A successful business owner!

I don’t follow the fitness norm. And that’s awesome. I’m that square peg in a round hole and I love that. I’ve learned that failings are lessons… but only if we hear them. We must fail to grow. Failure builds resilience. I have grown and I have built resilience.

I am now swimming not drowning!!!!

What is your internal narrative saying to you?

  • Is it kind and encouraging?
  • Or is it undermining and cruel?

The feeling of uncertainty and anxiety doesn’t mean you can’t function through life.

But it has the power to stop us from making choices and decisions for fear of failure. Have you ever looked back on choices you didn’t take because of the “what if” narrative? What are the lessons you need to learn before you make changes or choices?

Exercise is a key ingredient for balanced brain chemistry.

Come and have a chat with me and let’s get you prepared and ready for some exciting life changes.

Call me on 0424 196 060 or send me a contact form by clicking on the button below

Kate Cairnduff standing in the doorway to her studio

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